Written by: Jena, The Wellness Resolution 100%  (NO Ai was used)

In this blog, I talk about how critical thinking applies to relationships, how to communicate effectively in close relationships, and how to communicate well with anyone. As I mentioned in my previous blog on community, many people suffer from loneliness and that’s why we need to build community. That’s why we need to know how to communicate! Communication is key in a relationship. It is essential in starting new relationships and developing healthier relationships.

Communicating well is something that has always come easy to me when it comes to my relationship with my husband. Because we communicate so well, rarely does anything turn into an argument. However, it took some time before I became effective at communicating professionally and personally with other people. I learned a lot from professional networking! I can now start a conversation with anyone and often get beyond small-talk, depending on the situation.

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Being Open to Different Opinions
Critical Thinking’s Role in Our Relationships

As I mentioned in a previous blog Why We Need Critical Thinking & Barriers of Critical Thinking, we need critical thinking in order to forge stronger relationships, connect with people more, and make healthier decisions. Critical thinking is the concept of asking questions, really listening to someone else without judgement, and trying to understand their viewpoint. It is putting aside your ego, your emotions with regards to the subject, and opening your mind to a change in perspective.

Communication is key in a relationship and critical thinking can help with that!

How Critical Thinking Works

You have to set your emotions aside and really listen and try to understand someone’s point of view. Imagine if you were in their shoes. Try to figure out how they came to that conclusion, or why they feel that way.

Let’s say I want to change their point of view (not that it should be a goal). But if I wanted to try… I’m not going to do it by getting heated, raising my voice, and getting emotional. However, if I utilize critical thinking I might! I have to ask them questions, analyze what they say, and evaluate it. I may then come up with a question that opens their mind to something they have never thought about. I may ask a few questions before bringing forth my perspective with my thoughts and logic on the subject matter. Even if I don’t change their mind or they don’t change mine, there will still be a deeper understanding between us.

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Communicating Feelings, Needs, & Boundaries Effectively

Critical thinking is one essential tool in having healthier relationships. Another great tool is empathy, which I talk about in my blog We Devalue Empathy, Yet We All Need It!  Psychologists will say a lot of struggle in relationships comes out of miscommunication, and empathy along with critical thinking can help with that.

A lot of times people assume that the other person should know how they feel, should understand what they are thinking, or should even know how to respond when they are angry, sad, frightened, etc. But with a new relationship, that often isn’t the case. We often have to share how we feel, what we need in a polite way, and give the person a chance to respond.

Communicating Respectfully

In almost ALL situations, there is no need for yelling, screaming, or anything of that nature. Don’t put up with that! Healthy communication is calmly stating how you feel, what you need, what your boundaries are, and being aware of how they will affect the other person. Your feels are valid. But when it comes to your needs are they actually wants? Consider if you are being fair? Are you being rational? Is there a compromise?

There are all these quizzes you can take to understand more about how the people close to you communicate, how their personalities work, etc. They can be super helpful. But we just have to really listen and not shut the other person out. I have seen people who always put their needs first in a relationship, and it doesn’t work.

It is also important when things don’t go smoothly to take some time to self-reflect.

Why Self-Reflect?

Why were you feeling that way? Why does that bother you? Can you explain it differently?

There has been a few times in my relationship with my husband where we have argued about something, and I felt I wasn’t getting my point across. It is like there is a barrier between us, a mountain or whatever you want to call it. Often it was because I wasn’t explaining myself well enough. So after taking some time to self-reflect, I realized why I felt so emotional about the topic and then I could convey that in a way my husband could understand. Then we were able to resolve it.

If I didn’t self-reflect I might of just blamed him or continued to be angry. But shutting someone out without giving them a chance to share their point of view is not going to lead to anything healthy. It is also extremely unfair to the other person.

A Personal Story of Being Open & Sharing

A struggle in the beginning of my relationship with my husband is that when I vented and complained about something, my husband would instantly go into how to fix my problems. And it was super frustrating because I wanted him to feel my pain with me. I wanted him to be empathetic to my struggles. He is actually naturally empathetic, but he had never been in a relationship where someone asked for that. It’s not his fault, he just didn’t know what I needed. I had to tell him and I did. After awhile it just became a natural thing for him to do. Then, if I want solutions more than empathy, I just ask.

Recovering from Unhealthy Behaviors and Habits

Throughout life we can develop unhealthy behaviors or habits that are not rational due to past, unhealthy relationships or experiences. We don’t have to blame ourselves for them, but we need to take responsibility for fixing them.

I developed a few that showed up in my first year of marriage. I knew they were not rational. So I figured out how we could cope with them, until I could figure out a way to fix them. And things got easier from there. My husband was okay with adjusting to what I needed because he knew it wasn’t my fault, but I was also taking responsibility for it. And I did fix what was broken actually all on my own.

If you suffer from a lot of past relationship trauma then there are ways to release that, therapy and energy healing can both help with that. The therapy is better if you need to talk about it, to get validation, figure out how to make sense of it, etc. With energy healing, the emotional trigger can just be removed from your body. Both of these I have a huge knowledge base around. I won’t get into specifics in this blog, but I can give you more information if you would like.

In Conclusion

Many relationships fall apart because one or both parties are not trying to understand the other person. That is why communication is key in a relationship. We have to get out of our own way. It is the case sometimes that people are just too different and the understanding of another will never be there. But also, both people have to make an effort to communicate well.

It is also super important for kids to see healthy communication, as many kids will learn how to communicate through watching their parents. Some kids can recognize unhealthy communication, and decide they are going to do the opposite. But that isn’t always the case.

Another beneficial way to strengthen communication in relationships is through understanding love languages. Find out how to use different love languages in your friendships.

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Communication is Key in Developing New Relationships

Communicating Effectively with Anyone

Communication is key in a relationship. Whether you are an introvert, extrovert, super outgoing, or super anti-social, it is important to have good communication skills. I haven’t always been the best communicator. But now I can start a conversation with anyone. It doesn’t mean I want to be super chatty with everyone though. I didn’t turn into an outgoing, extrovert. I’m still an introvert and happy with that.

Sometimes no matter what questions I ask or how I try to engage someone though, the conversation will go nowhere, and it is super awkward. Communication is a two-way street.

I learned a lot on how to communicate effectively when I become a small business owner and started attending networking events. Networking was definitely outside my comfort zone, so it was a huge learning experience. The number one thing I learned about networking is it is all about building relationships. When you network you want to ask a ton of questions vs talking about yourself and your business. That means taking an interest in the other person. That applies to all kinds of relationships.

When networking one of my favorite questions to ask people is why they started their business. Almost immediately they light up and get excited to talk about how it was a dream they made happen. But instead, you might ask someone “what excites you most about life?” I always forget to ask this vs asking someone about their job/career. Our jobs don’t need to define us, for some they might, but definitely not all.

Actually Listen & Show Your Listening

When engaged in a conversation, actually listen, and every so often nod, say “uh huh”, “yeah”, or something else to show you are paying attention. Ask some good questions, if it makes sense to do so. Try to mirror their energy, make good eye contact, and just be yourself. Communication is key in a relationship, and listening attentively is a huge part of that.

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For more blogs related to relationships, check out my blogs:

How Relationships Influence Our Health (in multiple ways) & Our Success
Why We NEED Community & How To Find It
We Devalue Empathy, Yet We All Need It!

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