By: Jena, Happiness and Wellness Coach Certificates (NO AI was used)
As you may have noticed there are A LOT of different things you can do to improve your happiness. Being as this is my 4th blog on happiness, I have found happiness can sometimes be a tricky thing. We know happiness is a choice, but life can be complicated and simply choosing to be happy just doesn’t work for some people. And that is why there are Happiness Coaches! Who doesn’t want to figure out how to be more happy? You want to live your best life right?
As I mentioned in my previous blog Happiness on a Deeper Level, if your brain is wired to constantly return to negative thinking patterns you have to change the beliefs that are causing that. Part of that may be processing and letting go of some painful memories that are getting in the way of your happiness today. But let’s say you do the work, and you let go of those past memories causing you pain. But have you learned to deal with your pain in the present? Do you feel your current emotions fully right after you feel them? Because if you keep allowing yourself to hold onto pain instead of releasing it, you will continue to struggle with happiness. Let me explain…
Secret is: To Feel All Your Feelings Fully!
This is one of the most surprising lessons I learned from my happiness course. Once I read about it, I wondered why it isn’t an obvious thing to all of us. In order to really experience joy to the fullest extend we have to completely feel our feelings. When you feel sadness, anger, grief, etc. you can’t ignore the pain. You need to feel it fully. We can’t be happy all the time, and in order to get back to a state of happiness we need to feel all our feelings.
Not Feeling Emotions is a Recipe for Disaster
Not dealing with our emotions when we feel them can keep us from happiness. However, it can also lead to grudges, resentment toward others, and emotional pain that keeps resurfacing (sometimes at the most inconvenient times). It is harmful to relationships, it can cause addictions, you may live with more fear, take less risks, and avoid certain situations. Worst of all stress that stays in the body can lead to illness. Many holistic doctors talk about how stress is a cause or contributing factor to many chronic health conditions.
Journaling is a great way to understand and evaluate your feelings.
Sometimes we know we have all these feelings inside, but we don’t understand them or can’t make sense of them. This is where it might be good to meditate or journal and identify what emotions you are feeling. Then, keep asking yourself why! What do I feel? Why do I feel that way? Why does that matter? Why does it bother me? etc. Keep digging until you find the answers.
I always wanted to freely communicate whatever I was feeling with my husband and for him to do the same. After we got married, I could tell right away when something was bothering him. I would always ask and ask again “Are you sure you don’t want to talk about it?” After asking two times I would usually drop it. But he would usually share and he typically felt so much better afterward. Now I rarely have to ask, it is just a natural thing for him to share his stresses from the day, or whatever is making him angry, sad, etc. I can tell we both feel better when we don’t bottle up our feelings.
Feeling Sadness Fully
Society has taught us especially men to just ignore feelings, to push them down and move on. I’m sure many men will say they don’t feel comfortable crying, or may even feel it wasn’t acceptable when they were kids. But when you are feeling sad it is acceptable and healthy to cry, but you don’t have to either. Crying is typically not natural for me to do unless I’m extremely sad, but talking about why I’m sad or journaling helps.
When you tell someone why your sad they might be in a rush to try and cheer you up, say something happy, or solve your problem. These are great intentions. But if you are dealing with something huge, you have to stay sad for a bit before you can move on to a new emotion. Let’s say you lost a job you loved, you have to process that loss before moving on. Tell them what you need: to feel your emotions with you, validating how you feel, some hugs may be, some time to just think about all the memories, etc. When the time is right and you need to feel joy again, you will know. May be your sadness is over something much smaller, something others don’t understand. Your feelings are not wrong, and if you need to feel sad, then take some time to feel sad before you move on.
Feeling Grief Fully
When I was younger my childhood dog had to be put down after 13 years, and she was my family. She was like a sister to me because my parents got her when I was just a baby. The worst part is I wasn’t there when she was put down. I was in Alaska. It was incredibly hard for me as I was supposed to stay a few more days and enjoy my cousin’s wedding. I feel people tried to comfort me and didn’t want me to cry for long since I was supposed to be enjoying my vacation. When I got back home it was as if nothing had ever happened, and I just had to go on living without her there. So I didn’t process my grief the way I needed to. Thinking back now, we should have had some sort of funeral.
So for at least two years I had constant dreams that she wasn’t really dead, or she came back to life. I always felt this big hole inside of me. And many people get a new pet and it takes some of the pain away, but that didn’t happen for me. I had a trauma wound that took years to heal.
Grief is complicated, it takes time, and there isn’t a magic recipe. I haven’t been through enough hard losses to give advice on it. So here is an article that could be helpful Coping with Grief and Loss Stages of Grief, the Grieving Process, and Learning to Heal.
Feeling Anger Fully
If you are feeling anger it is super important that you process your anger correctly. Yelling or screaming at other people no matter how mad they make you, is an unhealthy way to resolve anger. Unless of course you are in great danger. Sharing why your angry in a calm voice to your friend or family member is acceptable.
My personality by nature is to avoid conflicts. Due to a lot of bad influence from society and other people, I held onto a lot of anger from childhood partly into adulthood. And it was a disaster for many reasons, which I won’t go into. But now I do the healthy thing and share my feelings even if it will create a conflict. And I have no regrets! It feels great and so healthy to feel it, resolve it, and move on.
However, I don’t always take the time to fully feel my anger from life stuff unrelated to relationships. So this advice down below is something I could work on, as well.
Share your anger calmly, go to a secluded place and scream, or take a drive in your car and let out a good scream. You could also do kick boxing, running, shooting guns at a gun range, or another sport to release anger. Lastly, if you have a lot of anger, visit a rage room where you can go and break a bunch of stuff.
Moving Forward
It is also super important to practice self-care after feeling your emotions. If you need some peaceful time to yourself, a walk in nature, some extra sleep, a bath, or something else, make time for it! Also, be patient with yourself and accepting of everything you feel. Don’t let anyone tell you your feelings are wrong, that they don’t matter, or you shouldn’t feel the way you do! You are allowed to and should feel all your feelings fully!
It is sad, but there are a lot of emotionally abusive people, neglectful people, and narcissists out there. Watch out for these people as they will not only confuse you about your emotions, but manipulate them, make you feel guilty for them, or even use them against you.
Other Happiness Blogs:
Pour Yourself A Cup of Happiness Every Day
Two Types of Happiness – You need both!
All My Healthy Mind Blogs:
Lacking Focus? In-Depth Tips to Improve Concentration
Changing Negative Thought Patterns & Ruminating
Being Grateful NOT a Magical Pill, BUT is Potentially Life Changing
Remove Clutter Around You & In Your Mind
Why We Need Critical Thinking & Barriers of Critical Thinking
What a Healthy Self-Esteem Really Looks Like
Improving Self-Esteem & Confidence in Your Career
How Mindfulness Improves Your Health & Life
Another Year Passes, Let’s Appreciate the Journey
We Devalue Empathy, Yet We All Need It!
I have a Wellness Coach Certificate, I'm an entrepreneur, an innovator, writer, and artist. My expertise includes over 7 years of marketing, research, and developing content for holistic health businesses. Plus, my own personal journey of becoming chronically sick: understanding what went wrong, and finding a way to heal and live a healthier life. I have a passion for wellness with a wealth of knowledge surrounding: wellness, flaws in healthcare, root causes for chronic illnesses, and alternative treatments.
