Society has a warped view on what forgiveness is and how it works. The bible teaches it better! The result is way more impactful. Society teaches us that we forgive for the other person’s sake. The bible teaches us we forgive for our sake. Therefore, we don’t hold onto the anger, the pain, don’t hold a grudge, don’t hold onto resentment toward the other individual. We free ourselves from being trapped in the anger, the pain, and being trapped in the past.
Forgiving isn’t Forgetting
Society will tell you to forgive in order to continue a relationship with that person. Biblically, we don’t need an apology to forgive someone. We also don’t have to get back into a relationship with them. So the person doesn’t even need to know we forgave them for us to forgive them. Communicating forgiveness is not the same as forgiving.
Matthew 6:14-15: “For if you forgive others when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins”.
Bible verses like this one seem quite scary. I’m not going to comment on how you should feel about it. It is up to you to decide what you feel. What I want to emphasize is that “forgiving is freeing,” and that alone makes it worth doing. If it takes you awhile, you need to process your emotions, I believe God will be patient with you as you turn to Him for help.
God want us to forgive everyone, no matter what they did to us. Yes, even if they murdered your whole family, even if they were abusive, and even if they blew up your country. Remember, it benefits you.
Forgive Yourself Too
Society is right that if you hurt someone you should sincerely apologize. You shouldn’t expect them to forgive you and continue the relationship like nothing happened. Whether someone accepts your apology or not, you have to also forgive yourself. God will forgive anything if the apology comes from the heart.
Ask for God’s forgiveness when you sin with sincere remorse. Then, you can forgive yourself. It has been said that Judas would of been forgiven and not ended up in Hell if he would have repented (asking for forgiveness), but instead he chose suicide. Therefore, God will forgive pretty much everything. It is said there is only one thing God won’t forgive, reference Matthew 12:31-32.
John 1:9: “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.”
When to Choose Forgiving and Forgetting & When to Move On
Forgiveness doesn’t mean we get back into a relationship with a person. We don’t have to continue to trust them. Forgiveness isn’t forgetting. If someone never apologized, you know they haven’t changed, it can actually be harmful to continue the relationship.
Before I talk more about those harmful relationships, I want to say this…
People are going to hurt us in life, that is a given. So we should be able to forgive people over and over again. I have seen friendships fall apart over someone doing one wrong thing. Someone’s pride gets in the way, and the friendship is over after many years. It is really sad. Today many people want easy relationships or fake ones online. They don’t want to put in the work to have real, genuine relationships. They take the easy road out the moment things get hard, and it happens in all kinds of relationships.
Genuine Relationships are Work, But they are Worth it!
My best friend and I have been friends for 29+ years. We have had some massive fights and lots of misunderstandings. We have hurt each other’s feelings more times then I can count. But we have always chosen to work through it instead of giving up. We apologize and take responsibility for what we do wrong. We forgive each other and then leave it in the past.
I absolutely hate confrontation, so anytime I have to tell someone they hurt me or made me mad it is really hard. The only thing I can do is remind myself that I want a genuine relationship. I don’t want a fake relationship or one where I hold grudges. I used to hold grudges in the past because I feared confrontation, and I would worry that people wouldn’t care about my feelings. But eventually I learned the people who don’t care about my feelings are the people I don’t want a relationship with.
I take responsibility for when I hurt others, I don’t choose pride. I know I’m not perfect. If I hurt someone I can only hope they would tell me. That way I can fix it. I hate the feeling of hurting someone too, it is hard sometimes as an empath. But I still want to know so I can fix it.
Here is WHY Some Relationships are VERY DANGEROUS!
If you let a person continue to hurt you knowing they won’t change you can get stuck in a cycle of unforgiveness and sin. Some people might feel the obligation because they feel they are supposed to love everyone (Matthew 22:39). They feel this obligates them to stay in relationships even when the relationship is unhealthy. You can love someone or care about them, but not have a close relationship with them.
Putting an Unhealthy Relationship Before God
Watch out for people who drag you down, causing you to sin, or causing you to continuously burn with anger. Satan can often does its work through other people, society tells you that person is family you don’t distance yourself from family. Satan gets in your own head and tells you: that person is a friend you have had forever, you can’t end that relationship. This is something many who call themselves Christians struggle with. HOWEVER, the bible talks about how you must put God first in your life. Following Jesus means not living in constant sin.
If you are committing sins like lying to them all the time or burning with anger and resentment toward the person, then you are stuck in a cycle of sin and unforgiveness. You are not responsible for changing other people, you can try to be a good influence, but you can’t allow them to drag you down. You might already know in your heart what you should do (because God has already been telling you). But if you don’t, it’s best to start asking for God’s guidance on what you should do. Then, you will be given some peace regarding your choice. It doesn’t mean it will be easy though. I choose God over any relationship that causes me to get stuck in sin and unforgiveness. I personally don’t want to put any relationship before my relationship with God.
Bible Verses
#1 Commandment: “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind.”
Matthew 6:14-15: “For if you forgive others when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins”.
Mark 11:25-26 & Ephesians 4:32 (These verses also talk about forgiving)
Matthew 5:27–30:27 “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.28 But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. 29 If your right eye causes you to stumble, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. 30 And if your right hand causes you to stumble, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell.
What A Sinful Relationship May Look Like
I think we can be in relationships with non-believers and believers who struggle with sin, if their sins do not affect us. What I’m referring to is a relationship that is toxic for you. It might not be a relationship that is toxic for another person close to you, but if the relationship is toxic to you, you need to distance yourself from them.
Examples:
Maybe you used to go out and party and be a mean drunk, and you chose to change your ways. Then, a certain friend keeps causing you to go back to that lifestyle. They can be a really nice person, maybe someone you have known your whole life. But if they won’t back down and you can’t stop, remove temptation. You can have a family member who will do all sorts of nice things for you, but then they will hate on your beliefs making you feel crazy for your faith. If someone is getting in the way of your faith journey that would be dangerous. Maybe there is a person in your life where you just hear their name and it feels like fire is flaming from your head. Just hearing their name makes you rage with anger. Let go of relationships that harm your relationship with God, and eventually let go of the anger releasing it to God and forgiving.
Also, be careful of people who manipulate your emotions and make you feel like you are the one that is always wrong. I talk a bit more about how to recognize a toxic relationship and how it can impact your health here: How Relationships Influence Our Health (in multiple ways) & Our Success
Does Forgiveness Seem Impossible? Still Not Sure You Understand It?
Sometimes we are given really complicated challenges that other people can’t begin to understand. Some people see forgiveness as easy, and some people see forgiveness as be asked to do the impossible. So I feel this topic deserves more attention… How Do We Forgive? What Does Forgiveness Look Like? What Does Forgiveness Feel like? I’m trying to write shorter blogs, so read my next blog for these topics and more!
*Read Scripture for yourself to make sure you know who Jesus is. Don’t rely on any one person, pastor, church, friend, movie, or podcast to tell you the full truth.*
I have a Wellness Coach Certificate, I'm an entrepreneur, an innovator, writer, and artist. My expertise includes over 7 years of marketing, research, and developing content for holistic health businesses. Plus, my own personal journey of becoming chronically sick: understanding what went wrong, and finding a way to heal and live a healthier life. I have a passion for wellness with a wealth of knowledge surrounding: wellness, flaws in healthcare, root causes for chronic illnesses, and alternative treatments.
