Happiness on a Deeper Level

By: Jena, Happiness and Wellness Coach Certificates (NO AI was used)

I believe when you become who you are supposed to be, it becomes easier to truly be happy. As I mentioned in my last blog about how to achieve eudaimonic happiness, you need to obtain autonomy and self acceptance to unlock your full potential.

It is just the most BEAUTIFUL thing if you reach this point in your life where you can love yourself fully without caring what other people think of your life or how you live it, without worrying about getting attention on social media, not needing to have all these successes, recognition, not needing to be perfectly healthy, not needing to be what anyone else wants you to be, not molding yourself to another person’s values, ideals, etc.

I love myself for being a kind, honest, compassionate, empathetic, adventurous, etc., human being. Which I don’t always succeed at, but that’s okay. I love myself for living a life that feels right to me and goes along with my values, personality, interests, etc.

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You Have to Reprogram Your Beliefs to be Happy

In my coaching course, it mentions how in order to obtain happiness you have to reprogram all the things that lead to unhappiness i.e. negative thought patterns. Programmed beliefs control over 90% of thoughts, feelings, and a person’s actions (which is happening in your subconscious). Is your inner voice being kind to you? Some people use Cognitive Behavioral Therapy or Dialectic Behavioral Therapy to help with this. Some types of energy healing can help, and in some cases Trauma Therapy is needed.

IF you just try to be happy doing everything people say will make you happy, but you don’t change your beliefs, you will return to being unhappy. Even if you are focused on hobbies and interests that make you happy, if your thoughts still are mostly negative, you will return to being unhappy. It doesn’t matter how hard you try to feel the right emotions. I’ve seen this play out in my own life! I would do things that made me happy temporarily, but yet I could feel it wouldn’t last. It felt like I was just chasing after a new thing all the time to be happy. I was never feeling satisfied internally with myself. My negative beliefs limited me. But once I changed those beliefs, I unlocked way more self-love and happiness than I ever thought was possible.

If you struggle with these things they can keep you from your potential and a bucket load of happiness.

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My Journey Toward Letting Go of Society’s Ideals 

I’ve learned a lot about self-acceptance, self-actualization, self-love, and happiness from chronic illness. Chronic illness has taught me a lot about myself!!! I’ve had to overcome many challenging hurdles on a mental level, emotional level, and a physical level. Some people get bitter when they get sick and some get better. I chose to get better, but the journey hasn’t been an easy one. It is filled with both ups and downs.

I never imagined I would reach this point of just being content with myself fully in the here and now. Sometimes it can take people a lifetime to get there. I’ve had to battle a lot of garbage from the past and heal from it to get to that point. For many people to get there it means dealing with all the dark stuff that they bury in a deep, dark cave never wanting to enter. (I give some ideas for handling that dark cave in this blog: Changing Negative Thought Patterns & Ruminating).

Battling with chronic illness for so long it can kill the self-esteem of even the most confident person. Many people experience shame, embarrassment, not feeling like their doing enough for others, and not doing enough in their career, etc. Many people base their self love around their ability to take care of others, their accomplishments, etc. So when that’s all taken away they feel lost. One day I just let go of all that. I decided I’m enough as is.

I’m sure I still have many moments of insecurity ahead of me in the future, but I’ve reached this point where I feel it can’t and will not define me. My mistakes and my failures will not define me.

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The Problem with Eudaimonic Happiness Centered Around One Life Purpose

Things NOT Going as Planned

In my last blog on eudaimonic happiness I mentioned: even though many articles talk about having a central purpose for your life, I believe that is a recipe for disaster. Growing up we are influenced by society’s idea that we need to pick one career and great emphasis is placed on the importance of that. Society also teaches us to find happiness through recognition and successes.

The first reason this is dangerous is if things are not going well or you fail altogether it can harm your health, make you feel inadequate, drag down your self-esteem, and devalue you worth. I know from experience!

I got to deeply focused on having a central purpose to work toward. For years it was going really well. Then, at some point no matter how hard I worked toward my central goal it just seemed to go south. I felt unworthy for not being able to achieve my goal. But then I realized I was trying to validate myself through my work. I felt I needed recognition and results to make up for all the pain from the past where I felt unworthy. And of course all this psychology saying “it is good to have a central purpose” was harming me.

Being Content

One day it hit me that I didn’t need approval from anyone, and I don’t need anyone else’s recognition. It was not going to play a part in my self-esteem and self-love anymore. I need to be content with myself right now as is, and put the past behind me. I also realized I could work toward multiple fulfilling goals. In the end of my life, it isn’t going to matter what I accomplished in my career.

It’s my character, my behaviors, and what I do for others that matters. My faith in God and doing what is right based on God’s plans for my life is way more important to me. Some people may feel they have a central purpose, but it is dangerous to think that can’t change over time or that it completely defines your worth.

Purposes Can Change with Time

We can also get trapped in this mindset that certain work that is for a nonprofit, healing therapies, ministry, or saving lives as a doctor, etc. is somehow more important than other purposes. But God calls us all for different purposes and they are all important. And sometimes people who feel compelled to be a pastor/priest leave that work after being called to do something else. Sometimes people go into these amazing careers with life altering purposes and just get burnt out, and I think that’s okay. In other situations people are really good at something so they think that’s their purpose, but yet they don’t enjoy it at all. It is okay to make a change! Purposes can shift, they should be enjoyable and just feel right.

One Purpose Makes it Harder to Live in the Present

When you get too caught up in choosing one purpose for your life or working too hard toward trying to do something meaningful, you can lose all sight of what it means to live mindfully and peacefully. You can miss out on the happiness that comes from being grateful in the here and now.

When we put too much pressure on happiness from recognition, comparing ourselves to others, or achieving a goal, we will never just be content in the present. We miss the whole concept of finding happiness within. That’s a road I’ve been down before.

Losing Sight of Other Purposes

If you are too focused on one purpose you may lose sight of another. For example, if you are too focused on your work saving lives, you can lose sight of your purpose to be a good husband, wife, parent, friend, etc. Family is important too. Even though I was too focused on one purpose, I’ve always put family first. But I failed to see my relationships are worth more to my value than any career accomplishment.

Giving, donating time, volunteering, and helping less fortunate people is a purpose that can be just as important as a person’s career. If for example providing for the less fortunate is your chosen purpose, a career that makes you happy and provides the income whether it is crafts, customer service, washing cars, or managing a bank, can be just as important.

The More Purposes the Happier You Will Be!

Having multiple purposes is great because when one thing doesn’t go well, you can still be happy with how the other things are going.

The best idea is to have a wide variety of goals, passions, and purposes for you personal life and professional life. Have boxes of eudaimonic happiness items and boxes of hedonic happiness items. This will keep you happier longer, will help on the rough days, and when things don’t go according to plan.

Multiple goals make look like a professional goal, a goal to read a certain amount of books in a year, learn a new skill, complete a marathon, lose weight, make a new friend, plan a special trip, etc.

Lots of goals is great!

When one area of our lives is not going as planned, then we still have another area of our life that can feel that void. The path to success is jagged and full of ups and downs. The journey of life in general is jagged! When I feel I’m not moving forward in my career, I turn to my box of happiness with my husband, my hobbies, my friendships, and I feel content and happy. When I’ve struggled with my health and haven’t been able to engage in many of my hobbies I’ve turned to my box of happiness with my husband, yes some chocolate, but also learning more about health, and growing in other ways. I’ve learned not to rely on any one thing though to bring me happiness whether it is eudaimonic or hedonic.

There is No Way to Achieve Perfect Happiness

Of course there is no such thing as perfect happiness, because you can do all of these things and still struggle when a big massive barrier is standing in your way. Even though I know all the potential I’m capable of, I have had the big massive barrier in the way. I have to chip away at the barrier first. But since I know all these things about being happy, even with the barrier I still find a way to some happiness. Some days go better than others, but if I didn’t learn all these things the hard times would be harder, and the happy times would be less happy. I know I will get to the goals and dreams I want to pursue.

Some of the examples of eudaimonic happiness in my course state when you achieve the life goal, when you master a skill, when you become fluent in the language. How about just being happy with the process of working toward something?

Appreciate the Journey and Be Okay with a Longer Timeline

I’ve learned that even though I may not be accomplishing goals in the timeline I want to, that’s okay. If my goals don’t work out, that doesn’t equate to me needing to feel less content with myself. I’m content with just learning, growing, improving my health, being a great wife, trying to be a good neighbor, a good friend, improving my spiritual journey, and just trying to live life to my full potential. As I talked about in a previous blog, we need to appreciate our life journey instead of being focused on the end goal.

What matters is that we are working toward self-improvement, that we have goals, that we are building meaningful relationships, and I also believe in growing in your spiritual journey.

I’ve met people who never grow or develop as a person. It makes me sad because they may never truly reach their full potential. They may even stand in the way of someone else who is truly trying.

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Summary

I covered A LOT in this blog so here is a quick summary:

• You will be happier if you learn to love yourself letting go of everything society tells you to be and not to be, and not caring about other people’s views are on who you are.
• You will be happier if you reprogram negative thought patterns.
• You can’t base your happiness around your accomplishments, failures, recognition, your career, or your ability to take care of others. Your character, your behaviors, and what you do for others is more important.
• It’s dangerous to choose one purpose, to let it determine your worth, to not think purposes can change, to not see the value in a variety of purposes.
• Have multiple purposes and goals so your never focused on just one thing to make you happy.
• Don’t wait to be happy when you accomplish the goal, be happy right now in the present. Appreciate the journey.